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18-Sep-2019 03:32

Welcome back to The Attraction Doctor Last week, I discussed why women can't find a "good" man (here).In that article, I explained my hypothesis that women are stuck in a double-bind between what they are told through modern social norms and their own biological motivation.However, these men are often punished by being socially labeled as "jerks", "players", or even "creeps", unfit for socially-defined relationships.Furthermore, their tactics are often designated as "sexist" (Hall & Canterberry, 2011).Men often define these women along evolutionary psychology lines—women who are sexually-selective, faithful, physically attractive, and have a pleasant, respectful disposition (for more on these qualities, see Buss, 2003 and my own articles here and here).Unfortunately, these qualities are again part of women's double bind, with social norms sometimes guiding them away from these biologically feminine characteristics.Men successful with this strategy attempt to find an honest and faithful partner, who respects their needs, and is grateful for their contributions (for more, see here, here, and here).Again though, men pursuing this strategy also report the need to stay vigilant for their partner's waning attraction, signs of cheating, and being taken for granted (much as women in "traditional" relationships do).

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In a previous article, I put forward the notion that individuals were not "afraid" to date—rather they simply did not have sufficient incentive to do so (see here).

These men may further be regarded as "just friends"—expected to pay for all of the costs of a relationship, without the physical and intimate benefits (see here).

In contrast, if men shun social pressures to be "nice" and follow what is biologically attractive, they have a higher likelihood of getting "sex partners".

If they follow what society tells them to do, they often end up "good guys" who are taken advantage of, mistreated, and disrespected.

In contrast, if they follow more "assertive" biological imperatives, they are labeled "jerks" and "players"—who may get sexual gratification, but not love or respect from what they would consider a "good woman".Socially, they are expected to be "compliant" (i.e. However, they are also urged by women's sexual interest to maintain an "attractive personality" (i.e. Unfortunately, men sometimes report that attempting to balance these notions does not result in satisfaction, happiness, or women's appreciation and respect.



For example, you can choose to match with people who attend the same events or who are a part of the same Facebook groups.… continue reading »


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